So! I have departed, as you’ll notice from the lack of Jen Mountain in the middle of the living room. No longer will you have to put up with my incessant snoring as I slumber on your floor in defiance of your desire to watch TV. No longer will you have to deal with the lights going on and off as I get ready for work in the early hours of the morning. Your perceived consumption of Coke Zero will also noticeably decrease as my furtive attempts to ninja-swipe the contents of each bottle cease.
Congratulations, you survived having me crash on your couch.
I felt a little bit like Owen Wilson in You, Me And Dupree as I became the instant third wheel during all your quality time with your boyfriend. You were both very gracious about my constant presence and I am wholeheartedly grateful for that.
Since you work nights and your bf and I work mornings, I spent the bulk of my time watching cartoons and eating guy food on the couch with him. You’ll be happy to know he never made himself something to eat without also offering to throw some nuggets and fries in the oven for me, too.
Nice guy you’ve got there, for reals. Not a bad dude-cook, either.
Thanks for sharing your space, your food, your life with me for these past thirty days. I appreciate the sweet-ass birthday cake and gifts you guys got me. (Jenn-o-phur is the coolest name anyone’s ever put on my cake, swear to God.) I assure you my Sesame Street glasses and TARDIS mug will be well-used in my own apartment, especially during the first week when I’ve got to budget everything to the max. Looking forward to payday, hell yes.
Back in the day, Ash, when you first came to the big bad sexy city, we shared my tiny bedroom. Looking back, I’m still amazed we didn’t kill the shit out of each other. (Not for lack of trying though, am I right? Haha!) Well, in those days, I helped you. Then you helped me when I didn’t have a job. Then I helped you when the tables turned and you found yourself jobless. And vice versa. The best thing about having such an amazing sister is that we each have a friend we can run to when shit gets real and we always have each other’s backs. I’ll always be grateful for everything you’ve done for me in the distant past, the recent past, and the future. I want you to know you can rely on me, too. My door is always open to you.
Side note: I borrowed four of your reusable shopping bags, two rolls of toilet paper, and a pair of socks. I’m holding the socks and shopping bags hostage until you come to see my apartment.
Love you, Ashley. Thanks for letting me crash for so long.